These Words
by asongtoohardtofollow
Summary: Blaine started writing in a journal the day he met Kurt. He never told Kurt about it, not until the day of their wedding - nine years later.   Rated T for now, but it may increase to M later on.
1. Prologue

**Blaine started writing in a journal the day he met Kurt. He never told Kurt about it, not until the day of their wedding - nine years later.**

**Rated PG-13 for now, but it may increase to M later on.**

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**May 27, 2019**

I'm getting married today. I'm getting married today. _I'm_ getting married today.

I've been repeating this to myself all morning and it still doesn't feel real.

I'm getting _married_ today. To Kurt. Gorgeous, wonderful, perfect Kurt.

My Kurt.

The Kurt that I've been in love with since I was sixteen. Since that first "excuse me" on the Dalton staircase. We've come a long way since then. Even though I still think about it like it was yesterday.

I'm so cliché.

But I have a right to be, I think. Isn't the day of your wedding supposed to be the happiest day of your life? So why shouldn't my happiness include ridiculously cheesy one-liners and corny phrases that just so happen to perfectly express how I feel about my husband?

Woah.

That's the first time I've called him that. It's not even official yet.

But I like the sound of it. _Husbands_. Yeah. That's nice.

And now I'm sitting here giggling like a fool while Cooper rolls his eyes at me from across the kitchen table. I don't care. I'll giggle like a fool all I want. I'm getting married today!

I've been thinking all week about how I want to give Kurt something. I mean, other than my vows and my ring and whatnot. I just thought it might be sweet to give him a little something to mark the start of this new chapter of our lives together. It seems obvious to me now, but it still took me days to realize it.

I'm going to give him this. My journal. I started it the day we met, and now it's our wedding day.

It wouldn't feel right to give him anything else.

Other than my heart, of course, but he's had that for years.

Nine years, in fact. _Nine years_ of my life are written here. Well, not here exactly. This is now the seventh book I've filled since meeting him. And now he's going to read them all. Every word.

This is my last entry. Maybe I'll start a new book someday, but for now, this is it.

Nine years. It's hard to even comprehend that. Still, I think it's time. New chapter, and all that.

So this is goodbye, I suppose.

It's like I'm leaving an old friend.

But you'll be in good hands. Kurt's great with this sort of thing. Keepsakes. And promises. And other precious things.

Maybe that's why I love him so much. He's my precious thing. And I'm his. And it's worked out pretty well so far, if I do say so myself.

So here goes nothing.


	2. Chapter 1

**This story follows canon as closely as possible through all we've seen so far. It's basically my desperate attempt to get inside Blaine's mysterious little head, so I tried to be as true to the show as I could be. Also, I took a few liberties with the dates, as it's kind of hard to tell exactly when everything happens on the show. Happy reading!**

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><p><strong>November 8, 2010<strong>

**8:17pm**

I used to write all the time. I don't remember when exactly I stopped, but all I know is that words haven't agreed with me in a long time.

But something compelled me to write tonight, so here goes nothing.

I met a boy today. Not surprising, really, considering that I go to an all-boys school, but he doesn't go to Dalton.

His name is Kurt.

I was on my way to a Warbler performance when he stopped me on the stairs. He said he was new, so I brought him along to hear us sing. I knew full well he wasn't a student. But I just grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hall with me anyways.

We sang "Teenage Dream". It's the first song I got to sing lead all by myself on. I mean, I've had a few solos so far but this song was mine. And I owned it. Not to sound braggy or anything. I just honestly feel good about it.

Anyways, back to Kurt.

I pulled him aside after the song and we talked for a few minutes. He was so cute – like he was in complete awe that the Warblers are considered cool. Apparently his glee club is basically considered the bottom of the trash heap. Considering how star-struck he seemed to be, I didn't really want to call him out on spying, so I gave him my number and he gave me his. I told him we could meet for coffee sometime and talk more.

Wes and David think we should call him out for spying on us. I don't think we really need to. I doubt he'll pull anything, he seems like a decent guy. And he seemed a little bit in awe of Dalton in general. Maybe glee club wasn't the whole reason he came.

We're meeting him for coffee tomorrow afternoon, so we'll see what happens, I suppose.

In other news, Wes also told me he thinks I'm a serious contender for future solos, including sectionals at the end of the month. Nick and Jeff are as well, so we'll see what happens there too.

**November 9, 2010**

**4:08pm**

I've got twenty minutes to kill before this little rendezvous begins, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to write a bit more. If I'm going to make this a regular thing again, I have to keep up with it.

I'm sitting in my room waiting for Wes and David to show up. And then we're going to meet up with Kurt.

Kurt, who I can't stop thinking about since our meeting yesterday. Kurt, who I only talked to for five minutes. Kurt, who for some unknown reason has suddenly become an object of complete fascination for me.

But maybe I'm not even looking at this right. Kurt came to see us perform, but no normal spy would react so enthusiastically. It was like he was…I don't know…completely captivated by us. I told him the Warblers were like rockstars – the most popular kids at Dalton, and it was like he had never even considered that possible.

There's something more to this kid than what he was telling me. I just want to know what it is.

**7:22pm**

It suffices to say that this afternoon went a little differently than I expected.

I was right in assuming there was an ulterior motive in Kurt's spying on us at Dalton.

He's gay.

I kind of assumed he was just by the way he dresses and talks, but he confirmed it. And he's bullied. All the time. Almost as bad as I was, from the sound of it. Taunted, shoved against lockers every day by the same guy. The "Neanderthal" he called him.

I knew something was wrong. I could just feel it. He asked if we were all gay, and I told him I was. And then as soon as Wes mentioned Dalton's bullying policies, Kurt got this look…like he was about to cry. So I asked Wes and David to leave us alone for a minute and Kurt started telling me everything. How he's the only out kid at his school, and how no one notices what he's going through.

I couldn't help but tell him I knew how he was feeling. That I've lived it too.

I told him to confront the guy. "Refuse to be the victim" I think I said. Because I ran, so he shouldn't.

What if I'm not really helping this kid? What if, in saying that, I'm just trying to feel better about how I handled things? Or, better yet, how I _didn't_ handle things?

…

I was having such a good week, too, with getting the "Teenage Dream" solo and everything. And now Kurt suddenly appears and all I want to do is be some sort of…I don't know…_mentor_ to him…and he's making me question my motives already. Maybe things will get better for him and this can all be over soon. I want him to be okay, but my head hurts from thinking about this so much.

**November 10, 2010**

**11:49am**

I've been writing for two days. I've known Kurt for two days. Maybe a lot has happened concerning him, but that doesn't mean I have nothing else exciting in my life, right? I haven't heard from Kurt all day, so I'll use my lunch break to fill you in on the rest of my life.

No. I don't need to make excuses as to why I'm not writing about him. It's fine.

But I digress.

Tuesday was school picture day.

It makes us sound like second graders when it's phrased like that, but still, that's in essence what it is. And of course, the teacher running it, Mr. Wilson I think, somehow managed to mess up the schedule, so even though I was supposed to be at the top of the list alphabetically, I got stuck on at the end with all the students who turned their forms in late. It took almost 45 minutes before I could even sit down on the little stool and smile pretty for the camera. That's why I was running late when Kurt stopped me on the stairs.

…and I mentioned him again.

I really need to clear my head for a while.

**November 11, 2010**

**11:43am**

Clearing my head didn't exactly work out. Kurt and I were on the phone for almost an hour last night. I don't even know how it happened, really. But he called me. He said he had a rough day, so we talked. He didn't even go into much detail about what happened. We wound up talking about his glee club, actually. They're competing: boys vs. girls with "mash-ups"…something I guess their director made up last year.

It was kind of nice to just listen to him. He seems so…genuine. I like that.

At one point at the end, though, I could tell he was starting to get upset. And then he decided: the next time Karofsky (the Neanderthal) does anything to him, he's going to confront him.

I'm proud of him. I barely know this guy, and yet I'm _proud_ of him. If I could go back and stand up for myself a year ago, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Kurt's scared. I know he is, even if he won't say it straight. So I decided to text him today to make him feel better. It made me feel better too. All I said was one word: COURAGE.

Maybe this can help both of us…

**November 12, 2010**

**12:09am**

I can't sleep.

Kurt called me hours ago.

He did what he told me he was going to. He confronted Karofsky. And no, he didn't get beat up or anything (thank god).

He kissed him.

Karofsky _kissed_ him.

I thought Kurt was joking at first, but no – why would you joke about that? And he had clearly been crying. I could hear it in in voice. He'd probably been crying ever since it happened. That's sexual assault.

I'm supposed to be helping Kurt. So I didn't let him know how angry I was. I was calm, put-together, knows-what-he's-talking-about Blaine. The one Kurt trusts.

Courage.

Kurt said that's what made him do it. My message. I feel so guilty. What if something worse had happened? What if Karofsky had hit him or – or forced himself on him or something? I don't think I could deal with that.

He asked me to come with him tomorrow to confront Karofsky again. He's terrified. He doesn't want to do it alone. I told him I'll go. He won't have to do it alone.

I've been sitting here for an hour since hanging up with him…second guessing that decision.

I don't know what to say to him.

But I have to go. I promised Kurt that I would and I'm not going to back down from that promise. I told him he won't have to be alone.

**November 12, 2010**

**10:32pm**

It's been a long day.

I just took an almost hour-long shower tonight to just think. I just stood there under the hot water. I think I washed my hair twice because I was so distracted.

Let me start at the beginning.

I skipped my last two classes this afternoon to go to Lima to meet Kurt. I haven't skipped a class since middle school. But I did. I drove slowly, trying to give myself time to breathe before I got there. It must have worked. Kurt told me after that he was glad I handled everything so calmly.

I don't know where my sureness came from. I told Kurt that I would do all the talking. I started the conversation with Karofsky. I could feel how scared Kurt was, so I did it.

I told Karofsky I knew what happened. I told him I knew how confused he must be, how hard it is, and that he wasn't alone.

And he pushed me into a fence.

For a split second I thought he was going to hit me. Or hit Kurt. I froze up. I panicked.

And Kurt stepped in front of me. He pushed Karofsky off me and yelled at him to stop.

And he did.

He walked away.

For a few seconds I couldn't move. I was frozen against that fence until Karofsky disappeared around the corner.

But I had to be okay. I _had_ to. For Kurt.

He was almost in tears by the time Karofsky was out of sight. He told me that he'd never really been kissed before yesterday. His first kiss was stolen by someone so afraid and ashamed of who he is that he's become a bully to hide it. I wanted to get angry again, but I couldn't. I chose something else in that moment.

I'm going to be there for Kurt. I'm going to help him however I can. Even if it's simply by being his friend.

I think we're friends now. I mean, maybe we have been since we met, but I think it's real now. We went out to lunch and just sat there for almost three hours talking.

He told me about how his mom died when he was very young, and then his dad had a heart attack just last month, and on top of everything else, he's terrified of losing him too. He told me more about his glee club, the New Directions. He told me how much confidence I had given him just by being there with him this afternoon. I gave him one of the school pictures we got back today. Maybe that will give him confidence when I'm not there. I told him about Dalton and the Warblers. We talked about music, movies, fashion, school, our friends, food, musicals; everything.

We've even been texting since we each got home.

Yeah. I think we're friends now.

…no.

We're definitely friends now.


	3. Chapter 2

**November 16, 2010**

**3:31pm**

Maybe this writing thing isn't the best idea. I've missed four days already.

But I've had a lot to do, so it shouldn't be a big deal, right?

I spent most of Saturday with Kurt. We went out for coffee Saturday morning, and wound up sitting in Lima Bean for almost two hours just talking. He seems so much more comfortable now than he did when we first met. Despite what Karofsky did to him, he just seems so much happier since I went with him last Friday. It's nice.

Sunday was spent mostly doing homework and watching the game with Nick. Well, I was watching at least. Nick was asleep most of the time. Nothing new there.

We've got auditions for the sectionals solo in two weeks. I mentioned here last week that Wes already told me I'm in the running with Nick and Jeff. Today he asked me if I'd help run auditions.

Truth be told, I'm a bit confused. How can I help run auditions if I'm auditioning? I don't know. Hopefully he'll explain better tomorrow at Warbler practice.

Practice will be such a relief. I have a major exam in history tomorrow, which is why I'm writing so early now. I'll probably be up all night cramming. But once it's over I have the Warblers to look forward to. And I got tickets to see "Rent" on Thursday night.

Maybe I'll see if Kurt wants to go to the show with me. He probably loves musicals more than I do.

I should go study.

**November 17, 2010**

**11:13pm**

Today might have been one of the best days I've had in a long time.

Even if I spent it running on very little sleep.

I was up until almost 4am studying for that stupid history test, and it wound up being 25 multiple choice questions and an essay. Piece of cake.

Warbler practice ran late today. Some sort of argument over whether or not we should be able to wear a grey belt because the blazer will cover it. I wasn't really paying attention.

After practice I met up with Kurt and his friend Mercedes at a restaurant in Lima called Breadstix. Ironically, their breadsticks are actually terrible.

I really like hanging out with Kurt. I can't remember every having laughed that much in a single meal before. He's also just so damn smart. We spent half the meal talking about Don't Ask Don't Tell, Prop 8, and all sorts of things like that. He knows what he's talking about and he knows how to discuss it. I mean, of course I never thought he was stupid or anything, but he just keeps surprising me. Plus, he agrees with me about Marion Cotillard, so he's clearly smart.

Poor Mercedes must have felt so out of place. I know she's one of Kurt's best friends. I felt bad leaving her out of the conversation so much.

But still, it was one of the first real conversations I've had with Kurt. We're friends now, so it's only right I guess. But we've really only ever talked about glee or his problems with Karofsky, or what music we like. This got a little deeper. I like getting to know Kurt. He still fascinates me on some level that I can't explain.

I can't wait to go see "Rent" with him tomorrow night. He seemed thrilled when I asked him. It should be a great show.

**November 19, 2010**

**12:53am**

I just got back from the show with Kurt and needed to write something quickly before I head to bed.

Basically, the show was incredible. Neither of us had seen "Rent" live before and this was just perfect. The entire cast was fantastic. And we got dinner beforehand and it was just…wow.

Tonight was great. I'm exhausted. I wish Kurt lived closer. It was over an hour out of my way to drive him home. But it was worth it. Completely worth it.

**November 20, 2010**

**4:51pm**

Apparently whenever I have a good few days, the days that follow completely suck.

Every little thing has gone wrong since yesterday morning.

Like the fact that I spilled coffee all down the front of my blazer, wound up being fifteen minutes late to English, left half my books in my room, and my the screen on my phone cracked I two places when I accidentally dropped it in the hallway.

It's just getting to the point where every little thing is getting to me.

And then yesterday afternoon the worst thing happened.

I got a call from Kurt just before I was going to go meet some of the guys for dinner. He was crying again. I've learned that I really hate it when Kurt cries.

He had another run-in with Karofsky after school yesterday. I guess he asked him if he had told anyone what had happened and Kurt said no. And then Karofsky told him that if he ever did tell anyone, he'd kill him.

…

People make threats like that all the time, right? In a joking manner. Friends do it. Cooper's threatened to kill me a thousand times. It doesn't mean anything.

This time it does. I know it does. I've known a dozen bullies like Karofsky and they _will_ hurt you if they get the chance. Kurt's not safe anymore. But he refuses to say anything to anyone. He keeps telling me that they won't listen because they never have before. He told me I'm the only one who's ever really cared or understood what's happening to him. Because I've been there.

But this is something I can't fix. I confronted Karofsky with Kurt once. I can't do it again.

Kurt needs to tell someone about all of this. His dad, at the very least. From all I've heard about him, he's a really good guy who will never let anyone hurt his son. He loves Kurt and accepts everything about him. Kurt's lucky in that way.

I'm glad he told me. Even if I'm not the one who can help him.

**November 22, 2010**

**6:18pm**

It's been an angsty couple of days. I'm sorry.

I don't have to apologize. This is my book.

Whatever.

I've been thinking too much about everything that's been happening with Kurt and my brain is a little all over the place at the moment and I -

Kurt just texted me. His dad got engaged to his friend Finn's mom this morning and he's their wedding planner. And apparently I'm the first person he thought to ask about whether the groomsmen should wear straight ties or bowties. I told him bowties. I've always liked bowties. Plus, I know Kurt likes them. He wore one when we went to Breadstix last week.

The text is like 3 pages long. He's so excited about this wedding. I like it when he's happy. He comes to me a lot when he's upset, and I'm more than willing to be there for him. But I like talking to him a lot more when he's happy like this. He deserves to be happy.

As does his dad, of course. So I'm happy he's getting married.

And the wedding is going to be this weekend, apparently (really soon if you ask me), and Kurt needs a distraction right now more than anybody else I know.

**8:39pm**

He's going with the straight ties.

I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed.

**November 25, 2010**

**9:45pm**

I got to sing lead at Warbler practice twice this week. They're just songs for us to rehearse with, nothing we're going to perform any time soon, but the fact that I got to sing them just feels good.

Sectionals are in a week and a half. Auditions are early next week.

So far it's only me, Nick, and Jeff who are trying out for the lead solo. Wes said I'm the council's top pick for it. All I could say was thank you. He's one of my closest friends but I didn't really want to let him know how much I'm freaking out. I don't want anyone to know.

I know I'm not the best guy in there, not by a long shot. Everyone's so talented in different ways. But they all like me, and think I'm good and worth giving solos to so far. And I love it. Just the feeling of singing. I can let my guard down and just…_go_. Once I start singing I'm not nervous anymore.

This is another angsty entry. Sorry.

I'm annoying myself again.

**November 26, 2010**

**10:11pm**

Wes just texted me saying he wants me to audition on Monday for the solo at Sectionals.

This is probably my last entry until then. I'm planning on spending the entire weekend devoted to finding the perfect song and practicing.

I don't even care if I get it.

I just don't want to blow this chance.

If I'm doing anything here, it's proving to myself that I really deserve the council giving me this opportunity.

Even if I can barely admit it in my own journal.

**November 29, 2010**

**3:58pm**

So I sang "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train.

I think it went well.

I hope it went well.

They had me audition privately. Still not entirely sure why. My guess is that since I sang with everyone twice last week, they wanted to hear me on my own?

Nick and Jeff are auditioning either tomorrow or Wednesday. They're both really good, and they've auditioned something like 3 or 6 times each.

We'll see what happens.

I think I'll call Kurt. I kind of just want to talk to him for a while. We texted briefly after the wedding on Saturday, and he told me all about how his new stepbrother and the glee club sang him a song at the reception.

I forgot to mention at the end of last week that he told me all the guys that are on the football team in glee confronted Karofsky in the locker room. I guess one of them got a black eye out of it. And when his stepbrother (Finn?) told Kurt's dad that he wasn't there for the confrontation, Kurt told his dad about Karofsky's threat. I'm glad he did.

**4:36pm**

Kurt's not answering my texts or calls.

I hope he's okay.

**8:12pm**

I don't know why I'm worrying so much.

But I am.

**11:16pm**

Kurt finally called me.

He's transferring to Dalton.

Tomorrow.

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><p><strong>Reviews please? I know this was a short chapter but I'm trying to write more of this and reviews would be like...cupcakes with encouraging messages in the frosting. Bad analogy I know.<strong>

**But I hope you enjoyed this part! Thank you so much to everyone who's read so far! You guys are awesome.**


	4. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! Apologies for another kind of short chapter. I had a bit of trouble with this one, so that's why it took so long. Hope you enjoy it anyway! (There's a longer note at the end too with some extra info!)**

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><p><strong>November 30, 2010<strong>

**8:39pm**

It's been an interesting 24 hours, to say the least.

Time to offer a bit more explanation.

Kurt called me last night around 10:00 to tell me that he was transferring to Dalton. He said that Karofsky's suspension was up, and he would be back in school today, and if he was there, then Kurt didn't want to be. His dad and new stepmom decided that they wanted to use their honeymoon money to pay for Dalton tuition. They called the headmaster yesterday afternoon and got everything arranged and Kurt's transfer was effective immediately. I tried to talk him through everything the best I could.

And this morning, I met him in the parking lot before first period. I barely had time to think about how strange it was to see Kurt in a Dalton blazer before he was showing me his schedule asking where his classrooms were. I could tell that he was nervous, but he was still trying to stay calm through everything.

Since his transfer happened so quickly, and because it's tough for his family financially, he's not going to be moving into the dorms at all. It's not easy to pay both tuition and board here, so a lot of the guys don't, but the commute's going to be a bit rough for Kurt. I mean, I live closer to Dalton than he does, but I'm not too far from Lima either. The dorms are just kind of an added bonus for me…

At lunch, I introduced Kurt to some more of the Warblers (he already knew Wes and David, of course), and he came to practice this afternoon. We started off by giving him Pavarotti, one of the canaries. He's a pretty little bird, and Kurt seemed to like him, even if he made a joke about taking him to a coal mine or something. But it was cute.

Kurt was…enthusiastic to say the least. He immediately started going on about what he thought we should do for sectionals. And it was a little bit sad when Wes told him that the council chooses all of our songs. I didn't like seeing him upset again so soon, so I grabbed Wes after practice let out to ask him about auditions. He agreed, and Kurt gets to audition tomorrow afternoon with Nick and Jeff.

I'm nervous for his audition. More nervous than I was for mine. I've been singing with the Warblers for a while now, and come to think of it, I've never even heard Kurt sing. But since he was in glee at McKinley, he must be good, right? Or else he wouldn't even want to be in the Warblers at all.

I hope he likes Pavarotti.

**December 1, 2010**

**5:47pm**

Well, Kurt can certainly sing.

He's actually amazing.

A little…_showy_ perhaps, but extremely talented.

He's a countertenor. And his voice is just _gorgeous_.

He sang "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina".

It was beautiful, don't get me wrong, but…it's not quite _Warbler_. And that's what I had to tell Kurt when I told Nick and Jeff that they both got to move on and sing again. He tried too hard. I felt horrible saying it to him, but the Warblers are all about teamwork and being part of a group. Kurt's just a little too used to having to scream to be noticed, as he told me.

I probably came off like I didn't enjoy his performance, but I honestly did. He was incredible.

Nick and Jeff were too, of course. They're both really great. If I don't get the solo, I'm glad one of them will. I didn't get to see their second performances, though, as I ran off to my room right after talking to Kurt. I really felt terrible about it.

Tomorrow we find out for sure who got the solo. And Sectionals are on Saturday.

I'm still nervous. But I already promised myself that I'll be okay if I don't get to sing in the competition. I know I'm just a sophomore and there are a ton of guys in there who deserve this way more than me, but I can't help wanting it. I just love it so much.

I should go relax or do homework or something. Just try not to think about everything for a while.

**December 2, 2010**

**11:16pm**

I got it.

And not only that, they want me to be the lead soloist of the Warblers for the rest of the year.

I might cry.

**December 3, 2010**

**10:33pm**

We had a seven hour Warbler rehearsal this afternoon. Granted, we took an hour was for dinner, but still. I just got back to my room.

We're doing "Hey, Soul Sister" for Sectionals, since I already sang it for my audition and they know how it sounds in my voice. The choreography isn't too complicated, just a lot of patterned stepping around each other and snapping like usual, but we had to integrate Kurt in and even though he's a fast learner it just takes a lot of getting used to for everyone.

Sectionals are tomorrow, and since we have barely any time left, we're having another rehearsal in the morning starting at 8:00.

Kurt didn't want to have to drive all the way here from Lima that early, so I'm letting him crash on my floor for the night. He was quiet but seemed okay with it when I offered. He's in the bathroom right now, (doing what must be the longest skin care routine ever to be invented) and I should probably be finding a blanket/pillow for him and whatnot, but I just wanted to write a little bit first.

I'm surprisingly not very nervous about tomorrow. I think all the Warblers have got this down to a T, and as far as my solo goes, I know I can hide it if I start to get stage fright right before I go on. I've gotten really good at that. Too good. That's how I got the solo in the first place, after all.

Courage…

**December 4, 2010**

**7:43am**

Here goes nothing…

**9:12pm**

We won!

Well, sort of.

We tied with the New Directions.

I have to say, I can see why Kurt said he needed to scream to be noticed there. They're clearly bursting with talent.

Their first number was the "Time of my Life" song from _Dirty Dancing_. An adorable blonde couple took the lead (Quinn and Sam, Kurt told me, after originally calling them Ken and Barbie) and they were just so sweet. For the second song they did "Valerie", led by a girl named Santana (who Kurt referred to as Satan) and featuring two incredible dancers, Mike and Brittany.

The other glee club we were up against was a group called The Hipsters. It's a bunch of senior citizens working for their G.. They were very good too. In an unexpected sort of way.

They were all so wonderful. I'm glad we were able to tie. I would have hated losing, but I also would have hated beating a team that Kurt clearly still loves so much.

Despite the names he was calling them, I could tell that he only holds each and every one of them close to his heart. He's only been gone a week and he already misses them so much.

I didn't get to really meet any of them (other than meeting Mercedes last week); I only said a quick hello to Rachel, who Kurt was talking to just before we went on. He went on and on about how insane she is, but he also said that she's one of the most talented people he's ever met. Maybe I'll get to hear her sing some time.

After the competition was over we all went out to dinner to celebrate. It was really nice actually, just being able to all relax after a crazy couple of days.

Regionals aren't until March, so we've got plenty of time to worry about that. I just hope it can be as great as today turned out to be.

**December 6, 2010**

**6:13pm**

Overall, it was just a really good weekend. We tied for the win at Sectionals, we got to have the most amazing night out together as a team, and everything just feels good.

I slept so late yesterday morning. I was exhausted. By the time I woke up it was early afternoon and I had three missed calls from Wes, Nick, and Kurt, each trying to see why the hell I still asleep when I could be 1. helping him figure out which tie he should wear to his college interview tonight; 2. getting "hot blonde girl from McKinley's" number from Kurt; and 3. meeting him for coffee to discuss the cover story of whatever magazine he found waiting for him when he got home last night. I'll leave it open-ended as to who left which message.

Eventually I wound up completing all three, although I'm pretty sure Kurt gave me a fake number for Quinn since she's dating Sam (still having trouble keeping names/relationships straight in my head. Those ND kids are confusing). Oh well, Nick will figure it out eventually.

Wes wound up (of course) killing it at his interview. I know it's still a long way off, but it's hard to imagine the Warblers without Wes next year. It'll be like a completely different team without him on the council. It's just weird.

Since winning (well, tying) at Sectionals this weekend, it really feels like we're a solid team now. Not that we weren't before, it just feels stronger now that we've achieved something.

I hope Kurt feels better now that he's been here a week. He texted me this afternoon, panicking about Pavarotti. He started molting, and Kurt thought he might be sick or something. I'd hate to see him if anything ever really happens to that bird. He's grown so attached to him. But I think he'll be okay.

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><p><strong>Thank you all for reading!<strong>

**So just to let you guys know, I might be going back and updating a bit of the earlier parts of this story after next Tuesday. Since it's finally a Blaine-centric episode, we might learn some stuff about his family/past that could alter some of what I've already written. It will also determine quite a lot about the future of this story!**

**So if you're still with me, which I hope you are, I'll let you know in the next update if I changed anything/what I changed.**

**And again, thank you so much for sticking with me so far! Review please!**


	5. Chapter 4

**I know it's been a while so I'm sorry! Been really busy with school and whatnot but thanks for reading! Thankfully I didn't have to go back and change anything in the previous chapters regarding Cooper now that we've met him on the show since I've only mentioned him in passing. And also, now that we know all about the Anderbros' canon relationship (I have a love/hate relationship with it. Mostly love. Matt Bomer ahhh), I'm excited to get to talk about him a wee bit more in here. Perfect timing too, because now there are Anderson family holidays ahead! Enjoy…;)**

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><p><strong>December 13, 2010<strong>

**6:09pm**

I've got some exciting news to share.

I went to an audition on Saturday on a complete whim, just to see what would happen. I was still kind of running on a high after Sectionals last week, so I went snooping online to see if I could find anything local to perform in between now and Regionals in March. And I found an opening for a singer in a duet of "Baby It's Cold Outside" at the Kings' Island Christmas Spectacular.

I know. It's probably the corniest thing I could possibly find, but I figured what the hell, so I went.

And I got it.

I'm going to be singing this weekend with a girl named Lacey in one of the shows. I haven't met her yet, and unfortunately we only get to rehearse together a few hours before the show on Saturday. I'll have to find someone willing to practice with me later this week.

I think I'm _still_ running on that high from after Sectionals. I'm not nervous at all for this weekend. This will mark my first real performance outside of school in…well, years I guess. I think the last time I did anything like this was two or three summers ago at Six Flags. It was the last time I sang with Coop.

But in a few days I'm going to perform again. It feels good. It feels really good.

**December 14, 2010**

**7:18pm**

Made a CD of the accompaniment for the song this afternoon. I've been practicing the best I can on my own, but after getting it memorized, there's not much I can do without a duet partner. Ideally, I need a girl to practice with, since it is a girl singing the counterpart, after all. Sometimes going to school with all guys is a bit hindering.

**10:43pm**

Duh.

Kurt.

He can hit those notes easily.

It'll be perfect.

And plus, I've kind of wanted to sing with him since I first heard him do "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina".

Perfect.

**December 16, 2010**

**9:03pm**

I wish I could do the duet with Kurt. We sound great together. And he was pretty enthusiastic about rehearsing with me.

I bet he's much better than any girl they could have me sing with.

But Kurt said it himself: they wouldn't let us do it together. As two…artists.

The world isn't right sometimes.

**December 18, 2010**

**9:34am**

Today's the day! I'm heading out to rehearsal with Lacey in about a half an hour, and then there are two performances: 3:00 and 8:00. A bunch of the Warbler guys said they would be there, so I'm pretty excited.

The costumes are a bit ridiculous though. I stopped by last night to make sure it fit, and I saw Lacey's as well.

They've got me in a semi-classy suit complete a bright red tie, while Lacey's in a skimpy little sequined dress with a red ribbon around the middle. Getting us into the Christmas spirit, and all that.

I hope they don't make us sit through the entire rest of the show. There are others happening all over the place, so I hope once I'm done, I can go see something else, or just meet up with the Warblers and get out of there. Not that I don't love watching people perform, I'm just not exactly the biggest fan of Christmas.

Decorating the house until the electric bill hits four digits and going to endless streams of family parties aren't really my thing.

Cooper's not even coming home this year.

Maybe I'll just stay at Dalton until New Year's.

Eh. I have a few days to figure it out.

I should probably get going so I don't make Lacey wait too long. I can't imagine she wants to be there anymore than I do.

**December 19, 2010**

**1:49pm**

Well, I couldn't have been more wrong about Lacey.

I don't think I've ever seen someone so peppy and enthusiastic about Christmas before. I don't think she stopped smiling for a second of the whole time we were there. It was kind of nice, though. She kept me in a good mood.

She's a sweet girl, really. And she's got a nice voice. Can't help but say Kurt was more fun to sing with though. Lacey might be talented and excited to be there, but I think Kurt and I just played off each other a lot easier. Maybe because we're friends and see each other all the time.

He showed up to the evening show, actually. I only got to see him briefly, but he was there. A few of the other Warblers came to the afternoon performance. Nick, Jeff, Thad, and Trent met me for pizza in between shows. They looked like they enjoyed it at least a little bit.

I'm glad they came to see me. It wasn't exactly the greatest show of all time, but it was something I feel proud of, and that hasn't happened until recently.

I'm glad I did this.

And I'm glad my friends could come see me.

Maybe I'll do more of this stuff next summer or something. I don't know. I have to sing lead in the Warblers at Regionals before I even think about what come after that. Nationals…who knows?

But I had fun. I think this was good for me.

Now to get through the actual holiday…

**December 20, 2010**

**3:33pm**

Tomorrow is the last day of classes at Dalton before we break until New Year's. I have until noon to decide whether or not I'll be staying in my room for the two weeks or going home.

I hate family Christmas. It's just the same thing every year.

Mom and Dad will nag me about what I wear, Gran will ask if I'm planning on getting any taller anytime soon (because it's completely under my control), Uncle Stan will tell some story about his time in the navy that I've heard a hundred times, Aunt Barbara will forget how old I am and start asking about which college I'm going to in the fall, and Grandpa will ask if I have a girlfriend yet and talk up the granddaughter of some friend he's played poker with for twenty-seven years. He tends to "forget" that I'm gay sometimes. Or all the time. And then Mom will distract everyone with all the details from Cooper's latest auditions and Dad will start telling corny jokes he read in a chain email from someone at work.

You know, same old, same old.

I'll probably wind up going home and dealing with it all anyway.

It's probably better than being by myself for any extended time. I'm getting depressed just thinking about it.

Warbler practice in an hour. Hopefully I'm more cheerful after that.

**9:54pm**

Kurt just texted me a picture of a fur-lined hooded track suit his old glee club director is giving to his secret Santa, the apparently evil cheerleading coach at McKinley.

He's brilliant, I swear. That's the most hideous and yet wonderful thing I've ever seen.

Mood lifted a bit.

**December 21, 2010**

**8:42pm**

Today wound up being utterly fantastic.

We had a half-day to start winter break and to let anyone moving out of the dorms pack their things and start heading home. A bunch of the Warblers decided to go out for lunch at this little café down the road from Dalton. Since I don't have much to pack and live so close, I went along.

Almost all the guys were there, even Kurt. He's still kind of hesitant to join in with a lot of group things, but he agreed to go after I told him I was. I guess it's because I'm his closest friend here. He'll get better with everyone else though. They're all nice guys.

Although come to think about it, Kurt's probably one of my closest friends here too. After him, there's probably Nick and Jeff, maybe Wes too. It makes me wonder where I rank on their lists. Not that it's a big deal or anything, just curiosity.

Anyway, we all went out to lunch and hung out for a while before meeting back in the senior commons and just singing along to Christmas songs on the radio for a few hours. Eventually the janitors told us to get out, at which point Kurt came up to my room and helped me pack a few things and bring them down to my car so I could head home.

I'm so glad I have a car to have at school. I've only had my license a few months, but it would have driven me crazy to have to wait for one of my parents to pick me up on days like this. Everyone was gone by about 4:00, and neither Mom nor Dad wouldn't have been able to pick me up until almost 7:00, since they both work closer to home than Dalton.

Kurt probably would have waited with me, though. He's good like that.

I mean, any of the guys probably would if I had asked, but I don't think I would have needed to ask Kurt. He offered to help me pack all on his own, actually.

Obviously I decided to go home for the week. I got the obnoxious phone call from Mom late last night asking when I'll be home, what my schedule is for the week, etc etc. Eventually I just couldn't say no to her when she started telling me about Gran and Grandpa's Christmas Eve party. She's excited about some new pie she's going to make and can't wait for me to try it.

So I'm home.

And I've already gotten yelled at for being late for dinner.

Home sweet home…

**December 23, 2010**

**3:33pm**

Slept until noon two days in a row.

This is truly glorious.

It's usually great when Mom and Dad are both at work and I have the house to myself, unless I have a lovely note waiting for me on the kitchen table telling me to make sure I bring all the decoration boxes down from the attic by the time they get home.

I didn't think it was all that bad until I found out there were six different boxes.

But it's done now.

And hopefully Mom will come home with eggnog. That stuff is delicious. Makes watching my parents rearrange the ornaments I already put on the tree a little bit easier.

Maybe I'll take a nap before they come home.

And yes, I'm aware that I've only been awake for three hours.

**11:03pm**

Cooper decided last minute that he's coming home tomorrow.

This will be interesting.

**December 24, 2010**

**12:13am**

Don't get me wrong, I love my brother.

He's just been in L.A for six months now. And I know things are going to be weird between us. Again.

I need some sleep.

**2:56am**

Dammit…

**12:03pm**

Finally got to sleep around 3:30 this morning. My brain wouldn't shut off until then. I even went down to the basement and played around on the piano for a while to make myself tired. I even tried texting a few people but I guess everyone was asleep.

So nothing really worked.

Cooper's plane lands in about two hours, so of course Dad already left to pick him up at the airport. He's thrilled. And Mom was humming stupid Christmas carols all morning in the kitchen. She didn't bother singing along with me while we were decorating last night, but baking her pies this morning she was all about the Christmas cheer.

I'm sleep deprived.

But I'm fine. Really.

**10:36pm**

I've had two cups of cocoa, four jingle-bell-shaped cookies, and a slice of Mom's mince pie.

So I'm pretty relaxed compared to earlier.

I missed Cooper. I really did.

He's excited about L.A and of course has a thousand stories to tell…about his auditions, celebrity sightings on the street, and apparently a midnight phone call from one Kate Hudson. I don't buy it for a second, but hey…at least he's enjoying himself, right?

We sang some Nat King Cole Christmas songs and listened to the usual banter.

But now it's over. And we have to do it all again tomorrow.

I think I hate Christmas.

**December 25, 2010**

**4:30pm**

Should I be like one of those little kids who rattles off everything they got for Christmas?

Why not?

Mom and Dad got me a new iPod, which is pretty fantastic, actually, and a new pair of dress shoes. Not too bad. Coop got me, believe it or not, a picture of himself standing under the Hollywood sign that he told me would "remind me of what I have to look up to". Okay, then.

Gran and Grandpa wrote me a nice little check to help cover some of Dalton's costs, and apparently talked a bit to Mom and Dad about presents, because they gave me a cover and screen protector for the iPod.

Uncle Stan and Aunt Barbara gave me two of the most bland and ugly sweaters I've ever seen, but thankfully they included a gift receipt, so I'll be making a trip to the Gap sometime soon.

But overall it wasn't the worst day ever. I'm just hiding in my room for a while until too much time has passed and I have to make my way down for dinner.

I think I'll set up that iPod.

**7:13pm**

Apparently Grandpa found a new girl he wants me to date.

Huzzah.

Have I mentioned I hate Christmas?

**10:49pm**

Just looked at my phone for the first time all day.

Apparently, every hour on the hour, Kurt has been sending me pictures of a silly plastic reindeer wearing different colored Santa hats, sparkly headbands, necklaces, and anything else gaudy and Christmasy you could think of.

I haven't laughed like that in days.

I think I love Christmas.

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><p><strong>Review please and thank you! I'm getting so depressed thinking about how few episodes we have left this season until graduation! Gahh! Can't think about it haha. Hope you enjoyed this chapter! More to come soon after I finish my semester next week :)<strong>


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